A Trust to Follow

A Trust to Follow by Diana Waters: Review by Lost in a Book

A Trust to Follow (Wild Magics #1)

Blurb:

Daymon is the second prince of a kingdom in which Evokers—those who possess intuitive magical abilities—have long since been treated with fear and mistrust. Marked as an Evoker himself, Daymon is captured by those who wish to take advantage of these powers. Now, the prince must put his faith in Rhyder, the captain of his guards—and the man Daymon has claimed as his own—to free him.

 

 

 

 

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3.5 Stars

Thinking about my rating and review for A Trust to Follow had me spinning around in circles. I liked it, really liked it and yet I felt like I was dropped in the middle of a story and what I really wanted was like a dangled carrot I could never quite reach.

Prince Daymon and the Captain of his guard, Rhyder are long time lovers. Prince Daymon claimed him for himself and they spend their days trying to change the prejudice and fear surrounding those with magical abilities (Evokers). Prince Daymon is an Evoker and gets into many dicey situations trying to change perceptions and thwart harmful acts against other Evokers. This lands him in trouble as he tries to save a fellow mage from an attack and gets himself captured.

We follow along in Daymon’s mind as he lives through his captivity and the enormous faith he has in Captain Rhyder.

As I mentioned above, I liked it. The writing kept me connected, the ‘story’ was interesting, and at the same time I wanted more. This seemed more like an extended scene rather than a full story. I want the story of how Daymon and Rhyder met, became friends, allies, and then eventual lovers. I want the parts of them fighting off evil acts to make a better name for Evokers as they fall in love. Instead, we are dropped in when there was already a claiming, most of the scene/story they are separated, and we are provided very little flashbacks on how they came to be.

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I’m not sure if this should be the start to a series but it does a decent job of explaining Evokers and the trials they face to make it in a world that’s set to hate them for merely existing. I think if Daymon and Rhyder got their story, this would be a nice bonus addition. Still, it worked in its own way. Recommended.

Copy provided by author in exchange for honest review.

Release Blitz & Giveaway- Salt Magic, Skin Magic by Lee Welch

 

Buy Links: Amazon US | Amazon UK
 
Length: 78,000 words approx.
 
Blurb
 

Lord Thornby has been trapped on his father’s isolated Yorkshire estate for a year. There are no bars or chains; he simply can’t leave. His sanity is starting to fray.

When industrial magician John Blake arrives to investigate a case of witchcraft, he finds the peculiar, arrogant Thornby as alarming as he is attractive. John soon finds himself caught up in a dark fairytale, where all the rules of magic—and love—are changed.

To set Thornby free, both men must face life-changing truths—and John must accept that the brave, witty man who’s winning his heart may also be about to break it. Can they escape a web of magic that’s as perilous as love?

***

“Magic, folklore, dark deeds, and hot romance combine in this wildly enjoyable, inventive story set in a lovely alt-Victorian Gothic world. More please!”

—KJ Charles, RITA™-nominated author of THE MAGPIE LORD and SPECTRED ISLE

“Salt Magic, Skin Magic by Lee Welch is the sort of book you want to read again the moment you reach the end. Beautifully written, with a romance that is by turns sweet and scorching, it belongs on the keeper shelf of any lover of paranormal historical.”

—Jordan L. Hawk, author of the WHYBORNE AND GRIFFIN and HEXWORLD series

 

Excerpt

Thornby was walking along the moorland path, calm as you please, nose in the air, apparently admiring the autumn colours in the distant oaks in the park.

“Stop, Lord Thornby! I want to talk to you.”

Thornby walked faster, slight limp becoming more pronounced.

“Stop, I say!”

John felt in his pockets for his vials and pouches, then changed his mind and simply put on speed. He’d come to this remote part of the grounds in the hope of a rest. He’d not slept much last night with the walls of Raskelf muttering and whispering, and the antiquities from Egypt shrieking muffled curses from the other side of the corridor.

The thought of Thornby had kept him awake as well; so resistant to the Judas Voice—that had given John an unpleasant moment—and so unapproachable, with that aristocratic hauteur you could never breach. And so strange. Why did the man wear such peculiar clothes? Today it was tight black pantaloons and a high stock that would have been fashionable forty years ago. And over this bizarre Regency costume was a rusty black greatcoat with wide cuffs, and a tricorn hat that would have looked well in the previous century.

And, yes, Thornby was handsome—heart-stoppingly so—with arrogant grey eyes, a mane of brown hair that almost reached his collar, and a preposterous red mouth. He was tall and thin and carried himself like a fencer. There was, too, something whip-taut about him, some unbearable tension that made you feel he might lash out. Or suddenly kiss you. Thornby had looked John up and down when he was introduced, finally unbending so far as to give John a slight inclination of the head. And John’s mouth had gone as dry as if Thornby had extended one of those elegant white hands and given his balls a gentle squeeze.

It was tiresome, really. It made it so much harder to concentrate. He must make sure he didn’t allow his attraction to the man to cloud his judgement. Possibly Thornby was using a glamour spell. John couldn’t sense one, but sometimes by their very nature they were difficult to detect.

So, he mustn’t think about how good it would be to slide his fingers inside Thornby’s old black pantaloons, how good it would be to taste his lovely mouth, and wipe that damned snooty expression off his face. If John had been in London, he would have gone to one of the houses that catered to men of his taste, and tried to forget about it. Here in the middle of rural Yorkshire it was far too dangerous to approach anyone, and in any case, farm lads were not his type. He’d simply leave as soon as he could tell Catterall he’d done his best.

They walked in single file for perhaps five minutes. The path smelt of rotting leaves, and a biting wind began to make its presence felt as they crossed into an open piece of moorland. Splashes of muddy water were spotting the back of Thornby’s coat. John used the close proximity to feel for magic. Like last night at dinner, he could sense nothing emanating from Thornby. There was certainly no demon reek, so Thornby probably wasn’t a theurgist, or if he was, he was a very fastidious one.

But then Thornby didn’t feel like a materials man either, and John could generally recognise his own kind. So, how had Thornby broken those charms? Now John was closer, and had longer to concentrate on Thornby alone, he thought there might be something magical, at the very edge of his awareness, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. Most magicians used demons or materials, but there were other ways, so perhaps Thornby used some unfamiliar method.

John charged his ward stone, and put it back in his pocket. He patted his bag of salt and checked his Gelomorous twine and the demon trap, just in case. Whatever spells Thornby cared to throw at him, he was ready. In fact, he was almost looking forward to a fight.

They reached an open place a hundred yards from a small pine spinney. The dark trees were contorted sideways as if fleeing the icy wind. The sun, behind its grey pall of cloud, was beginning to set. Thornby suddenly stopped and swung around.

“Well, Mr Blake? I suppose you’d like to explain yourself?” Thornby’s chin was up, beautiful mouth curved in disdain.

 
Author Bio
 

Lee Welch wrote her first book aged seven (a pastiche of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe) and first had an idea for an m/m romance aged twelve. She loves books and comics, and when she’s not writing, she’ll probably be reading. Her favourite authors include Ursula Le Guin, Graham Greene, Linda Medley, Dylan Horrocks and KJ Charles. By day, Lee works as an editor and business communications adviser, mainly persuading people not to say ‘utilise’ when they mean ‘use’. Her job has led her to work in areas as diverse as mental health, nursing, accident prevention and the criminal justice sector.

Lee loves to hear from readers. You can find her at:

Website      Twitter       Facebook

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The Sumage Solution

The Sumage Solution by G.L. Carriger: Review by Lost in a Book

The Sumage Solution (San Andreas Shifters, #1)

Blurb:

Everything you wanted from a sexy gay werewolf but were afraid to read. 

Max fails at magic, relationships, and life. So he works as a sumage, cleaning up other mages’ messes. The job sucks and he’s in no mood to cope with redneck biker werewolves. Unfortunately, there’s something irresistible about the sexy muscled Beta visiting his office for processing.

Bryan is gay but he’s not out. There’s a good chance Max might be reason enough to leave the closet, if he can only get the man to go on a date.

Everyone knows werewolves hate mages, but Bryan is determined to prove everyone wrong, even the mage in question.

NYT bestseller Gail Carriger, writing as G. L. Carriger, presents an offbeat gay romance in which a sexy werewolf with a white knight complex meets a bad boy mage with an attitude problem. Sparks (and other things) fly.

The San Andreas Shifter books stand alone and do not have to be read in any particular order.

Delicate Sensibilities?

This story contains M/M sexitimes and horrible puns. If you get offended easily, then you probably will. The San Andreas Shifter stories include blue language, dirty deeds, and outright admiration for the San Francisco Bay Area. Not for the faint of heart/mouth/tongue…

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4 Stars

I’m really glad I FINALLY got this off my TBR. It’s been carrying one of the top spots since it came out last year. Hopefully, prior to cracking this open, you have realized there’s a prequel. I didn’t pay too much attention to that little tidbit when I dove in and was thoroughly confused. Especially because I was listening to the audio and all these names were dropping like I should know them. So, I *highly* recommend you read the prequel first (it provided a lot of clarity once I read it and restarted this one).

What happens when you get a Beta werewolf and a mage with a huge chip on his shoulder? Epic one-liners, snark galore, new levels of sassiness, and some smokin’ smexy times.

“Really, Max? Fizzy jizz?” “I see werewolves do have a heightened sense of taste. It’s a mage thing.” “The champagne of cocks?” “See how I spoil you?”

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“You got all that from prostate wand?” Alec smiled stiffly, no canines. “It’s like a tarot deck. You can tell a lot about a man from his toy collection.”

Bryan is calm, loyal, large, and protective of those in his life. He’s the perfect blend to balance out Max’s snarky, outwardly fuck-it attitude. Max has a lot of baggage from his childhood and Bryan helps soothe his hurts. I really enjoyed them together, appreciated the growth Max made, and swooned over Bryan’s solidness. They did some work to get a HEA and the journey was believable.

This book has a diverse and entertaining cast of secondary characters from drag queens to fiery kitsunes. I’m eager to read other stories about the werewolves in Bryan’s pack and see how they possibly pair up with others that were introduced. They’ve built a patchwork family with love, humor, and lots of feels.

For some reason (besides the prequel issue, which I sorted within the first 5%), it took some time to get into this book and hit my stride. I’ll chalk it up to some RL craziness and once 50% hit, the pace picked up. There are some missing explanations about different elements that were mentioned throughout. Towards the end, I was happily chugging along getting all warm and gooey and then I turned the page, gasped and went all “where’s my damn epilogue?” That’s more my fault and reading preferences with being greedy and wanting to *see* the HEA.

The Sumage Solution is an enjoyable and unique take on shifters and mages. The snark alone makes it worth reading. Recommended.

”Why fight it just for what the world thinks we should be? I’d rather fight the world.”

Note about the narration: I started out doing audio only, but had to switch to reading for a bit and then returned to audio. I recently listened to Kirt Graves read another shifter book which was almost 19 hours long and I couldn’t stop hearing the voices from the other pack. The narration for this one was done well, the characters differentiated, and I was eventually able to hear Bryan and Max through *their* voices. The audio is recommended.

 

Ever After

 

Ever After by Riley Hart & Christina Lee: Review by Lost in a Book for @BMBR

Synopsis:

As next in line for the Evergreen crown, Prince Merrick Davendall’s future involves ruling, marriage, and producing an heir of his own. But he’s long been tormented by desires that are far from princely. Especially when the beautiful Cassius is promoted to be his new valet, and Merrick is struck by a longing like never before—a longing to know him far beyond royal and servant.

After his father’s passing, Cassius Havendale’s sole duty is to provide for his family. A promotion to serve a pampered prince is something he endures only for their sake. Surely Prince Merrick has no understanding of the true suffering of the common people, nor could he possibly understand what it’s like to desperately desire something he cannot have.

Except the prince is not at all what Cassius imagined. Kind, humorous, and caring to those in need, he also shares Cassius’s affinity for the arts. In fact, Merrick understands his deepest vulnerabilities in a most remarkable way.

As their affection deepens, the underlying tension between them becomes unbearable and they’re unable to ignore it any longer. But when the queen prepares a lavish ball with all the eligible ladies in the land in attendance, Merrick must fulfill his obligations to his country, and Cassius has the needs of his family to consider. They’ve long known their stolen moments would have to come to an end, but are they ready to give up one another and the idea of a happily-ever-after?

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Review

Reviewed for @BMBR

3.5 Stars

Tag Team with R

I had some serious grabby hands for this book. Before I cracked it open, many of my happy boxes were checked; Historical, fantasy, fairy tale spin off, difference in stations, and an interesting cover. While it didn’t live up to the excite I had going into it, it was still ridiculously sweet, with some enjoyable moments, and likable MCs.

Prince Merrick is the crown prince and his parents are trying to wife him up and knock her up so he can ensure the line of succession. He’s a dreamer and an artist with a kind heart and an affinity for men. Merrick is also loyal and squelches his desire while focusing on duty to his family, throne, and the people in his kingdom. He’s also pretty successful at keeping everything under wraps until he needs a new valet and the gorgeously intriguing, Cassius is chosen.

Cassius is under employ at the palace and moves up the ranks quickly. He’s a hard worker that focuses on providing for his family after the passing of his father. He’s enamored with Prince Merrick and helping him dress and bathe doesn’t help his attraction in the slightest.

Both men are around the same age and develop a solid bond. They understand the demands of duty and the implications of their sexuality for those around them. Especially in a time when it’s frowned upon. Their sense of duty delays a connection beyond friendship. Ever After is a slooooooow burn that is full of attraction and stolen moments that were innocent- yet full of potential. Once they break the proverbial seal…yowza. They were also adorable while content to just be together in silent companionship. There wasn’t much angst other than the obvious difference in station and sexuality that led to an easy HEA.

The first 3/4 of the story had me back and forth on my enjoyment levels. All the suitor situations dragged on with the force feeding of eligible women. The pace and plot picked up around 75% causing my enjoyment level to increase. I’m just a bit confused about the historical elements. It went back and forth between trying to use Valet/Prince customs and language to then got lost and became more modern communication/convienences on the next page. I’m assuming that’s where the fantasy elements came in which requires much suspension in “reality?” Around 85% there were finally some of feels that I wish were available throughout. They left me happy but also disappointed at the missed opportunity for the rest of the book.

Let’s talk about the females in this story… LOVE them. They were written with backbones, strength, fire, loyalty, and compassion. It’s always refreshing whether in M/M of M/F to have strong characters without the need to prop one up by demeaning or short-changing another.

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Overall, this book has a sweet setting, sweet MCs, sweet romance, sweet families, sweet, sweet, sweet. That’s not a bad thing and many will absolutely connect with these adorable men and their plight. I would have liked more cohesive historical elements, more action (not that kind…) to shake up the monotony, and more feels. Still, a pleasant read and recommended for those that are looking for low angst with a ginormous helping of cheesy sweetness.

Copy provided for honest review.

https://boymeetsboyreviews.blogspot.com

 

Peter Darling

Peter Darling by Austin Chant: Review by Lost in a Book

Synopsis:

Ten years ago, Peter Pan left Neverland to grow up, leaving behind his adolescent dreams of boyhood and resigning himself to life as Wendy Darling. Growing up, however, has only made him realize how inescapable his identity as a man is.

But when he returns to Neverland, everything has changed: the Lost Boys have become men, and the war games they once played are now real and deadly. Even more shocking is the attraction Peter never knew he could feel for his old rival, Captain Hook—and the realization that he no longer knows which of them is the real villain.

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5 Stars

I’m not going to write a full review for this because I want to gush and *squee* which would probably lead to spoilers. This isn’t a book you want spoilers for. I’m sure everyone is familiar with the Peter Pan stories of our youth and IMO that’s the perfect amount of background knowledge to fully appreciate what takes place in this book. It truly amazes me when an author can create a completely unique world from a well know and loved story. AND… have it TOTALLY work. I adored Peter Darling. Peter is no longer a little boy and has come back all blood thirsty. I liked it. A. lot. The twists and turns the author, Austin Chant dreamed up were epic. Packed into the cheekiness and thrill of adventure was gut wrenching sadness. I felt for Peter, Hook, and Ernest. My heart broke for Peter and I just wanted to put him in my pocket and keep him safe forever and ever. I’m in awe of any imagination that can come up with this type of storytelling. I’ll definitely be thinking about this book for a good long while. Excellent and definitely recommended.

Also, I downloaded the audio half way through and it was a job well done by the narrator, Mark B. Knight.

The Solstice Prince

Reviewed for @BMBR

4 Stars

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*takes sip*

Ahhh, yes. This book went down like hot chocolate on a cold winter day with tons of marshmallowly fluffy goodness. I’m all warm and fuzzy thinking about the absolute sweetness that was The Solstice Prince.

I’ll provide full disclosure and admit that I chose to read this because the cover reminded me of a M/M Harry Potter. Not. Even. Lying. *shrug* I’m weak when it comes to that series. While it wasn’t similar to HP, it held its own special place in my heart with its loving kingdom, drama free plot, gifted healer, and a fierce but kind prince.

We are introduced to a broken down Jaime who had been taken from his home after the death of his father, sold into slavery to pay debt, and rescued by Pyrderi guards and brought to the palace. He doesn’t know where he is or the rules of the land so he keeps his head down and works the kitchens. Jaime’s very skittish from abuse and hides that he’s a healer until he heals the Captain of the Guard. This revelation leads to a whirlwind life change where he becomes properly acquainted with the dashing Prince Maxim.

Prince Maxim is the youngest of his siblings and absolutely smitten with the man he saw rescued from the slave ship. He makes his intentions known towards Jaime quickly and begins to court the shy healer. Prince Maxim is large, a hunter, and the best swordsman in all the land. But, he approaches Jaime like he would a skittish animal until he can coax him out of hiding. He shows Jaime that he is worthy, kind, gifted, and desirable. *swoon*

Guys!!! This book is drama free. It’s sugary sweet and Prince Maxim with Jaime is absolutely adorable. There aren’t any relational issues so the men are able to organically grow together in friendship and affections without the lack of communication blah blah blah hurdles. Although this book has a lighthearted fluffy feel, it’s not without minor angst and strong feels. Jaime’s prior circumstances and Prince Maxim’s impending heartbreak provide obstacles and instead of acting as a deterrent, it brings the men together. The palace has clouds of sorrow hanging over it and Jaime provides rays of sunlight to all.

I loved the Pyrderi people and its royalty. It’s an accepting land that shows love instead of scorn. The inhabitants of the castle from the King to servants were friendly, loving, and understanding of a man that was utterly broken and needed a place to feel safe and find himself again. They all celebrated the young Prince and his love to the blushing Jaime.

The Solstice Prince is a feel good HEA read that provided the warmth I was looking for. Could there have been more relationship development on page? Yep, but I just didn’t care. Sweet story. Lovable secondary characters. Swoontastic MCs. Fabulous cover. Definitely recommended.

https://boymeetsboyreviews.blogspot.com

Copy provided for honest review.

Tales of Monsterotica

     

*Disclaimer: I know everyone’s in the holiday spirit. I originally accepted an ARC of these around Halloween when we were all about monsters and dress up. Hope you don’t mind a Jingle Bell interruption for some monster porn* 😉

Reviewed for @BMBR

3 Stars

*slow blink*

I just…

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How does one describe the visuals that were provided in detail and will forever be burned in my brain? I mean, seriously… a Count vampire that drinks jizz instead of blood? Shadow tentacles that fuck unsuspecting quests? A gigantic penis that waddles on its testicles? That’s just a tiny sampling of the “frantic naughtiness” we are treated to in the Tales of Monstererotica series.

If you’re looking for a well developed romance with fully fleshed characters, MC growth, and an answer to life’s many questions, you’re in the wrong place. But, if you can suspend reality and hop on board the WTF-monster-porn-train for a warped, OTT reading experience, this may be your cuppa.

Book 1: The Castle of Count Shagula
Jonathan Woodcock is on a business trip to Transylvania when he meets Count Shagula and the many “servants” that live in his castle. He realizes very quickly that not all is as it appears and must find a way to escape the cum-thirsty Count who has a “wang” obsession. An escape plot doesn’t come to fruition until Jonathan is fully *ahem* serviced by a plethora of holes, appendages, tentacles, etc. Jonathan is overcome by lust while still equally determined to find an escape. He gets creative in his fleeing methods and goes out with a bang.

Book 2: The Madness of Dr. Wankenstein
Poor, poor Jonathan Woodcock. He’s trying so hard to recover from his time with Count Shagula and make his way closer to home in England. Unfortunately he needs money and takes an assistant position with the mad Doctor Wankenstein. Dr. W is on a never ending quest to develop the next large huge gigantic pleasure inducing appendage and will stop at nothing to get it. Once again, Jonathan has to figure out how to escape while still taking one for the team… errr, the giving and receiving team, that is.

Both books served their purpose of being crazed AND comedic. I enjoyed the first book slightly more than the second which had to do with the creativity of the endings. There aren’t any characters to fall in love with but these are short little reads that had me scratching my head, squirming as I processed the detailed descriptions, and wondering what Jonathan was going to experience next.

This series is absolutely ridiculous, disturbing, and driven by an obsession of lust and giant wangs. It’s also creative in its debauchery and I enjoyed this crazy ass escape from reality. Recommended.

Oh yeah…

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That loud popping noise you heard was my monster porn cherry being obliterated by tentacles, waddling penes, and jizz nourished vampires that can suck better than my Dyson.

https://boymeetsboyreviews.blogspot.com

Copy provided for honest review.

By Fairy Means or Foul

Originally posted @BMBR on September 29, 2017

Unicorn Gang Bang with SRAL, JL, R, Sara, Lori

All the stars. 5+++++

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I just wanna make it rain with them. I loved this book SO hard that I wanted to savor it and hurry up and read at the same time. The struggle was real y’all. I apologize in advance that my brain is jumbled from ooey gooey feelings that may lead to a jumbled mess of words. In my defense, this feeling doesn’t happen often but I just clicked with this book.

Were some parts OTT? Uh-huh!
Were some parts silly? Yep!
Did I care? Not. At. All. It was funny AF and captivating and sexy and amazeballs. It was a well written story with a lot of moving parts so I will try my very best not to reveal anything that will ruin your reading experience.

I’ll also attempt to string some coherent thoughts together while I silently SQUEE.

What do you get when a tiny male fairy has sex with a beast of a dragon female? I’m sure you were thinking epic awesomeness? You would be correct. Twig Starfig, one of the MCs is the result of his 8-inch fairy dad (not the 8 inches you’re thinking of… his whole height was 8-inches) and dragon mom’s coupling. *imagines logistics of that* Twig the half-breed is a private detective in the Elder Realm and helps “people” find things.

Brandsome Nightwind, a unicorn is missing his horn and has come to Twig for his assistance. Unfortunately, Brandsome can’t provide the upfront payment and trades temporary ownership of his “pet” AKA bed slave, Quinn to Twig. Twig, being soft-hearted for indentured servants accepts the deal to spare Quinn and becomes responsible for him. With the contract signed, Quinn is now with Twig as they go in search of a magical unicorn horn.

The journey is epic. They travel from place to place in search of the horn while battling evil, meeting many different creatures, and forming an unbreakable bond. The sexy times were hot. Scorching. They were all growly, claimy, mine, rough, grabby, markings, scratching, nipping…

“His fist held my hair in an iron grip and he yanked me up, breath rushing into my lungs before he shoved me back down.”

“My dragon approved, especially when his seed filled my mouth. I swallowed most of it, keeping just enough so that when he shuddered and rolled off me, I sprung up and locked our lips together, feeding it to him.”

Got a wee bit off track there… sorry. *refocuses*

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On the other hand, this book was highly entertaining. I laughed my ass off throughout. I mean, a book titled Fifty Shades of Fae and Slick Dick’s Enchanted Snail Lubricant… *cackle* All of the “good” characters were smart asses and I’m fluent in smart assery with a big ol’ side of crude humor. Quinn and Twig have never been accepted for their uniqueness and as they travel, they collect other castoffs to create a little band of misfits.

There were a ton of other creatures present from unicorns, sprites, gargoyles and giants to fairies, parrot ghosts, cyclops and demons. Typically, I would consider that too much going on in one story. But it totally freakin’ works. The search for the unicorn horn drove the story and was never forgotten or lost in the shuffle of meeting new characters. The secondary characters were essential in driving the plot and adding to the overall story. It was interesting to see how Twig and Quinn navigate their relationship knowing that Quinn only belongs to Twig temporarily.

The world building was on point. Seriously. Amazing. I would absolutely recommend this book to lovers of fantasy and m/m romance. It was the perfect blend and I really hope there will be more books to come. They got their HEA but left plenty of room for more adventures.

My only disappointment was not having Quinn top Twig with all his dominant sexiness. It was hinted as something Twig would dig (see what I did there?) and that’s a carrot that can’t be dangled and then forgotten. Ohhohoho…I demand an extra toppy scene be written. *waiting*

“Well that deflated my cock faster than a werebeaver with braces offering free blowjobs.

*snort*

Copy provided for honest review.